she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
