You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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