We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
