my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
