i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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