I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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