Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
