I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
