The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
