I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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