gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
