We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
