There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
