I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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