I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
