I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
