I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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