you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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