Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
