The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
