God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
