hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize