my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
