She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
