My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
