I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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