I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My balls are so social today.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
