you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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