Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
