Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
