can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
