i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
