thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
