He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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