captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
