The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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