I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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