Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I believe in your delicious
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
