We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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