I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
