I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
