Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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