I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
