This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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