***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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