I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to calm my uterus...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
