dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
where are my eyebrows?
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