we're chasing vodka with high fives
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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