the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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