The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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