Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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