So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
