her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
