I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
