where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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