As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
