do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize