My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize