At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize