watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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