we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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