Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
