Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize