Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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