My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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