She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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