sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
