All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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