Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
