I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
