im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
